Sometimes when I make mistakes, I will call myself stupid. Nothing Earth-shattering here, just me insulting myself. Except, recently, I’ve come to realize two things happen when I insult myself. First, I open the door for other people to insult me too. Second, I always feel as if someone had punched me in the gut for calling myself stupid. I’m not stupid. And neither are you.
Last year, I tried to be more aware of the harsh name-calling and correct myself with understanding and grace.
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess, like me, you call yourself stupid or other degrading names too.
But know this, you are not stupid because you made a mistake. You are a human being human. Keep things in perspective. You are not stupid.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Mistakes are a means for us to gain experience while learning more about ourselves. And sometimes, what we learn from our mistakes is not pretty and tied up in a bow. Occasionally, our mistakes hurt people we love or hurt ourselves.
When you make a mistake, take responsibility for it. Admit it, apologize for it, learn the lesson from it, and vow to do better. And do all this without name-calling.
Don’t call yourself stupid.
You’re not helping yourself or anyone you love with self-deprecating language. So, could you stop it? You are an example for other people in your life. You! And adults who respect themselves (and others) don’t call themselves (or others) degrading names.
Learn to cut yourself some slack or show yourself some grace, or whatever you wish to call it. Just cut the dramatics and accept that you (and everyone else in the world) make mistakes. Then let it go and move forward. Okay? Come on now. You know this.
What example are you setting for those you love?
When I was a younger woman in my twenties, I noticed my Mom calling herself stupid every once in a while. She might even have been saying it more often, and I never saw. I don’t know. But every time she said it, I felt as if I’d been punched. My stomach would hurt from the gut-wrenching words coming out of my Mom’s mouth. As I got older, I would tell her she wasn’t stupid and ask her to stop talking about herself in that way.
Since she’s been gone these last few years, I noticed I have been calling myself stupid when I make a mistake. It’s only in the previous year that I’ve been correcting myself by saying, ‘No, I’m not stupid, I made a mistake.’ And you know what? After I correct myself, there is no punch in the gut feeling and no guilty feelings for being an imperfect woman.
And ladies, oh my sisters, we do take ourselves to task almost immediately and start with the name-calling, don’t we? This behavior needs, yes needs, to stop.
Stop calling yourself stupid.
Treat yourself as you would a friend. Yep, this old sage advice pops up here on the blog once again, and it’s worth repeating. If you wouldn’t call your friend stupid, then why are you calling yourself unkind names? Retraining your brain to speak kindly to you is easier said than done, I know, and I get it, but it’s worth the work you’ll put in.
Treat yourself the way you would a barista in a coffee shop, a cashier in the grocery store, or anyone else in a service-oriented job. Would you call them stupid for making a mistake? I think not. You’re a respectful person, and rude behavior isn’t part of you. You would graciously forgive their mistake while being polite, kind, and wishing them to have a nice day. So, try that same treatment on for size to see how it fits. Mmkay?
Try gratitude. I’ve written about this many times before, here, here, and here. I’m a big proponent of giving thanks for so many things in life. While you’re declaring gratitude for anything in your life that you deem life-giving, also try being grateful for the lessons you’ve learned from the mistakes you’ve made. Have you ever said, “I won’t make that mistake again?” Yes? Lesson learned, thank you, and you’re welcome.
Practice, practice, and practice even more speaking kind words to yourself. Don’t allow your brain to tell you the same old nonsense over and over. Push back on your old beliefs. Or, instead, shove back on your old thoughts. Teach your brain to speak to you kindly. Yep, that’s a thing. You are teaching your brain to go from negativity to kindness. It takes a while and is not entirely on point one hundred percent of the time, but it’s a goal worth working on.
Make a mistake, learn from it, graciously forgive yourself, no name-calling, and repeat.
What do you tell yourself when you make a mistake? Let us know in the comments below.
xoxo
JoAnn
Peace.