Life is uncertain, and it’s easy to complain about what’s happening in and around us. But when we concentrate only on what’s wrong, we get stuck in negativity. I come from a long line of complainers; carrying that habit around is exhausting. That’s why I’m committing to training myself to stop complaining, especially about things I can’t control.
In this post, I’ll share some simple ways to break the complaining cycle, bring more gratitude into your day, and live a simpler, happier life.
What is Complaining?
According to Oxford Languages complaining is “an expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance of something.”
Sound familiar?
Why Do We Complain?
We all complain at times—it’s part of being human. It’s a way to release stress, express frustration, and share disappointment. Sometimes, we complain just to be heard and to bond with someone who shares our feelings.
Complaining constantly, though, can signal deeper feelings like anxiety or depression and can leave us and those around us feeling worn out.
Understanding why we do it is the first step if you want to stop complaining more.
Is Complaining Good for You?
Some venting every so often is totally normal, and sometimes helpful.
I’m no tech expert and when my computer acts up, I complain loudly, and dramatically (just ask my sister or brother!). But I know a solution exists and once I find it, I feel better and move on.
The problem comes when complaining becomes your default setting, it can feel as if nothing ever improves. That helpless feeling is a sign that complaining has stopped being productive. If you want to stop complaining, it’s important to recognize when venting stops helping and starts holding you back.
Is it Better to Stop Complaining Completely?
Not complaining at all isn’t realistic. We’re human—it’s going to happen. The important thing is to know when it’s too much.
If you catch yourself nit-picking too much and people avoid spending time with you, it might be time to find ways to stop complaining.
Try paying attention to your daily conversations, texts, or emails. Are they mostly negative or full of frustration? These could be signs it’s time to change this habit.
If you’re feeling stuck, consider talking to a therapist for a short while. Therapy doesn’t have to last long, but it can be a helpful step toward living a simpler calmer life.
Four Steps to Stop Complaining
Are you wondering how to stop complaining? Here are a few things I use to curb this unhelpful habit:
Step 1: Set a Limit for Complaining
Take notice of how often you complain. Then set a “complaint time” even just five minutes to vent and relieve the pressure. Then (here’s the biggie) follow it up with positive gratitude. Were your plans rained out? It’s annoying, yes, but maybe you get to stay cozy indoors where you’ll be safe and dry to eat soup! And bonus, your lawn and flowers are getting the water they need.
Step 2: Refocus Your Attention
There usually is a solution (thank you Google) to your complaints. Not all problems can be solved instantly, but the more you focus on finding a positive solution, the less room there is for constant negativity. Less negativity means more room to make life less complicated.
Step 3: Be Honest with Yourself
Ask yourself: Is this complaint valid? Or am I tired, frustrated, hungry, or just cranky? Will my complaint bring about a resolution to help others live an easier life? Or am I gripping to hear my voice?
If you can find a solution–great. If not, can you shift how you respond? I’m still working on this myself—but I get a little better each time. For me, it’s a heavy burden to carry, always complaining and a hard habit to break. It’s baby steps to change an outlook, but it can be done.
Step 4: Add Daily GRATITUDE for Less Complaining
Each morning or evening, write down three things you’re grateful for and why. Be very specific. I’m thankful for my thick glasses because they help me see and read—and I love to read. Gratitude moves your focus from what’s wrong to what’s right. The act of gratitude helps simplify our lives. You can’t complain and be grateful at the same time.
Why Gratitude is so Important to Change
- Move the focus: When you find even the smallest things to be grateful for, you shift your focus from brooding into something productive and happier that could free up some mental space.
- Minimizes negative thoughts: Finding one thing to be grateful about moves a situation from negative to positive. You woke up this morning, that is something to be grateful for.
- Encourage positive emotions: Gratitude helps your brain release neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, hormones that bring you a feeling of peacefulness and happiness.
Choose a Better Habit to Stop Complaining
I know how easy it is to fall into the habit of complaining—I’ve done it myself more times than I care to admit. But I also believe we seniors can stop complaining and focus on what’s still good, even in the small things.
Next time you feel a complaint coming on, ask yourself if it’s helpful or just a habit. Then, use the power of gratitude and allow yourself to have a simple semi-complaint free life
What helps you shift your mindset when you’re stuck in a rut? How do you add a little gratitude to your day?
Feel free to share in the comments—or just say hi and let me know how your day’s going.
Choose kindness,
JoAnn
You also might like reading: How to Revive a Stale Baguette.