Hey, friends what if I told you if you change your words, you might change yourself in the process? Grab a cup of coffee (or tea), have a seat, and let’s talk about how a few changes in the way we talk to ourselves can make a big difference in our lives
As seniors, and especially women, we tend to talk to ourselves and about ourselves in a way we wouldn’t about friends. And, when you add society’s general opinion that we’re old, invisible, and not worthy, then it sometimes feels as if we should call it a day.
But NO! We can retrain our brain and start new and fresh habits that could catapult us into becoming our own best friends. Let’s go!
Let’s Work to Change Our Words: Stop the Self-Negative Talk.
It’s time to change your words and your way of thinking.
For some of us, there’s a false narrative looping in our brains: “I’m not good enough,” “I’m too old,” “I’m too fat,” “I’m invisible.” A lifetime of this way of thinking can stop. With a little work, you can learn to turn those thoughts off and set a new pace for yourself by talking back to your brain.
I’m not talking about inauthentic words that have no meaning, but instead, words that have truth and validate, with kindness, the person you are. A person who sees themselves as deserving of self-love. This won’t happen overnight; you will have to work hard and dig deep. I have faith in you that you are up for the hard work.
One of Your Brain’s Many Jobs
For this post, let’s keep things simple: Your brain’s main job has always been to keep you safe. Survival. It’s your best protector. But over the years, that same protective instinct shows up as worry, fear, and worst of all, harsh self-criticism.
This inner voice is hurtful and relentless. You know the one, the voice tells you you’re not worthy or not enough. We’ve spent too long listening to that unkind script. It’s time to choose a new one. Let’s learn to replace those harsh words with self-kindness and self-love. Talk back to your brain.
It is Time to Re-Think How You’re Thinking
As I mentioned earlier, things will not change overnight. There’s no magic want that can change years of negative thinking. You can, however, talk back to your brain and retrain it to learn new beliefs and become aware of your self-destructive thoughts.
I’m still working daily (sometimes hourly) to quiet my harsh inner critic. Learning to be my own best friend is a work in progress. You and me both, right? I feel worthy of the effort it will take to swap old verbiage to new; and to live the rest of my life loving myself.
Change Your Words: Pay Attention to the Things You Tell Yourself
Pay attention to what you’re thinking and feeling, especially when negative self-talk makes an appearance.
Here are a few things to consider when your thoughts are spiraling:
- What’s going on at that moment that’s causing those harsh thoughts up?
- Why am I feeling this way?
- What would you say to a friend if they spoke to themself the way I’m speaking to myself?
- How can you reframe your false narrative into something more realistic and positive?
- Is there real proof for those thoughts? Could I defend them in a court of law, beyond a reasonable doubt?
- Did I make a mistake, blow things our of proportion and not cut myself some grace?
Show yourself some kindness. Self-kindness is not selfish, it’s necessary.
Remember, these moments will pass; they are not engraved in stone. You can change your words. And by doing so, you can change the way you feel about yourself.
Train Your Brain with Positive Self-Talk
This isn’t easy, and it will take practice. But practice makes progress! And remember, practice isn’t always pretty,
I’ve been working hard to change my self-talk. When I hear myself say something like ‘…that was dumb, you’re so stupid JoAnn…” I pause and correct it ‘…I’m not stupid, I made a mistake…’
This simple reframe helps retrain my brain from the spiraling down and reminds me to talk back to those harsh feelings. That one phrase, “I made a mistake” allows me be a flawed human while giving myself the grace I deserve. I’m learning respect and kindness for myself. Try it for yourself. You’ll be surprised how HUGE it is!
We are worth the effort it will take to retrain our brains.
Use AI to help you find positive quotes like the one Google Gemini suggested I use: “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” -Rumi
Look at Google Gemini https://gemini.google.com
Change your Words with Daily Gratitude
Even the smallest things to be grateful for are a powerful way to retrain your brain, change your words, and shift your mindset.
I’m grateful for the wash machine every time I wash my clothes. The alternative would be grueling work, washing, rinsing, and wringing out clothes by hand like my grandmothers did more than 100 years ago. Yay for wash machines! 😉
Start small. Each morning, give thanks for three things: I’m grateful I have a place to sleep, I’m grateful for the running water, I’m grateful for the floor beneath my feet.
Verbalize your gratitude, either out loud or in writing. It really does change your mindset! You can’t be negative while you’re speaking about the things you’re thankful for.
Treat Yourself with Daily Self-Kindness
Go for a walk, take a bath, light your favorite scented candle, read for an hour, or enjoy a cup of coffee or tea outside for some sit-and-stare time. Take yourself on a date, all by your onesy.
No matter how small your act of self-kindness is, know that little steps lead to bigger ones. Wear that top that makes you feel powerful more than once a week. After a while these small acts will change how you feel about yourself. You will begin changing one small step at a time. It will become “a cinch by the inch.”
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
A trusted friend or family member might be able to help you change your words as you move toward a healthier way to think about yourself. It’s okay to ask for support. And as you learn to swap the negative ideas with the positive ones, you may even teach someone else to do the same for themselves. It feels good to teach others to change their lives.
If you don’t have a good support system and you’re still struggling, it might be time to consider professional help. There is no shame in seeking therapy. You are worth the time and energy it takes to replace negative self-talk with kindness.
Surround Yourself with Uplifting People and Ideas
The people and ideas you surround yourself with can shape how you think and feel. Choose to spend time with folks who inspire and uplift you. Limit exposure to negativity whether from social media or the daily news. Small shifts in your environment can make it easier to maintain positive self-talk and kindness toward yourself.
Change Your Words: Replace Those Negative Ideas
Here are a few examples of phrases I hear (mostly from senior women our age) and how you might reframe them:
- From: I’m old and useless, to I’ve lived a lifetime and have tons to offer
- From: I don’t know anything, to I don’t know, YET
- From: I’m stupid, to I made a mistake and I’m always learning
- From: I have to…, to I get to…
- From: I’m scared to do…, to I’m excited to do…
- From: I’m invisible, to Here I am, so watch out!
- From: My hair is always messy, to My hair behaves artistically😉
- From: I’m not important, to I am everything and everything is me
*That one is my personal favorite and I recite/sing it to myself often. *
Final Thoughts
As senior women, we’ve spent years putting ourselves down. But it’s nevertoo late to change the words we use, the thoughts we have, and how we treat ourselves. Small acts of self-kindness, a little (or a lot) gratitude, and kinder self-talk can completely shift the way we see ourselves.
You can spend the rest of your life being your own best and kind friend.
So, what are the things you tell yourself that need a gentle challenge? Share your thoughts in the comments, or just say hello. Let us know how you’re doing today.
Every little step counts. Change your words, and you just might change your life.
Choose kindness for others and yourself
JoAnn
You might like to read: Reading Benefits for Seniors: Boosting Brain Power and Memory